Is my boyfriend thinking of leaving me? please read:?

Should I be worried that my relationship is falling apart?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. During most of that, we have had a good relationship, but it has not led to marriage, yet. He does not seem to have been interested in marriage, but just because of his idealogy. I am 33, he is 35. 9 months ago, he got a wonderful job offer in Italy, and decided to try it out. He has been doing 3 months there, three months here. He really likes it there, and I can tell he wants to move there permanently. Problem is, I am a lawyer and cannot practice law in Italy without 4 more years of training. we had spoken of having a child together, if I move there, but I don;'t want to move there permanently. He recently got back, and I happened to glance at his email and see that he had several from a girl there. I took an opportunity to read them; they are very friendly--about 1 email/day--and I am pretty sure there is no actual relaitonship there, but there is obviously mutual interest there is some mutual interest there, but because of me, they are both trying to be very clear about boundaries. The girl sounds like she is trying to protect herself as much as my boyfriend is trying not to make a sudden decision. And I know things are up in the air, because I do not want to move there permanently, although I know it means a significant advance for his job.

I know you guys are all tearing himto pieces, but I know he has not cheated. This guy is a good guy. He would at least have the decency to break up with me first.

I don't understand your question. What do you mean?

Dont worry about it..Just be yourself and I am sure thangs will go back the way they used to be.

9 years and no proposal?

Do I need to say more.

I guess you need to make a choice. Do you love him enough to give up your life as you know it and follow him into a new country and culture? Or, is your life and goals here more important than him? Make the choice soon and let him know where you stand. It's not fair to keep him on the hook waiting and not fair for you to be in limbo like this.

You guys have been dating for 9 years without a proposal so you going to another country to "maybe" get one is ridiculous! It is time for you guys to end the relationship amicably and move on (the both of you)

This is a toughy. The emails could be a sign of mutual interest, or they could just be friendly. And this is pretty much what relationships are all about.. compromise. You should defiantly talk to him about whats going on and how you feel. And alot of guys fear commitment, but nine years is an awful long time to just be dating. All I can say is talk to him and tell him whats goin on.

give it time, check if nothing funny happens, if you notice anything, and things get a bit fishy put your foot down and say you want a part in this thing

If being in Italy is really important to him and staying in the states is to you. Love each other enough to let the relationship end. You are both to young to give up your dreams. You obviously have worked hard to get where you are as a lawyer and I am sure he has to.

this isn't an answer. but you sound like the girlfriend of the German boy one of my askers like. :) my advice. talk. like deeply.

a persons job is pretty important but a relationship is so much more- i know if my man asked me to move abroad id go in a flash but i also know that i dont think my man would expect me to nor force me and if i didnt want to - neither would he, so does it not say that him taking the job in the first place shows he thinks more of that - and who knows the other girl may just know to be polite on email because you read them. you have been together 9 years - sit down and talk to the man.

1st- 9 years, no commitment? That's comfort, not love.

2nd- 3 months away from my wife at a time? No love there. I'd rather kill myself then not share life with my wife.

3rd-You don't want to give up the salary of a lawyer for your man? Money before love=no love. I would and have gone penniless for my wife.

4th-Secretly communicating with a female, while away for 3 months, across an ocean, with lttle chance of either party talking with each other?? Cmon. The signs are clear.

if he really likes you he won't move there unless you are going with him, but if he's moving without you don't stay together because that will make it worse
i know because i went through it

Obviously, you will have to take a hard decision: career or love? You alone can decide on this. If you think your career is more important than him, then don't go with him. But I can tell you that, you can always find and re establish a career, but it would be difficult to find someone whom you love and are compatible with.

In regards to this other woman, I would assume the worst.

As far as your relationship goes, sounds like you are at a tough spot. He obviously wants to take advantage of this opportunity, and might not appreciate that you don't want to drop your career.

You gotta decide if you want to be with him or not. Maybe get a marriage out of him if you agree to move to italy? Really, how bad could italy be?

If you really love him and really want to be with him support him and move, just make sure he wants you there as much as you want to be with him. Also make sure that he knows he will need to support u while u go to school since u really wont have a good job right away. Only do this if u talk to him, explore all options. Be honest about ur findings too, after nine years u shouldn't be snooping in his email if u dont trust him then dont be with him!

If he isn't interested in marriage after that long,
and can't talk with you seriously about it,
you're wasting your time if you want to be married/settle down ect.

If you're the type and he pulls in enough money you could always not work, but there could be some serious cultural shock especially if you're unfamiliar with the language.

If you've not had a serious talk with him about it, do it. It may just be your wants/needs are more different than you may have noticed, and while it hurts and it sucks you may need to move on and find someone more compatible.

*edit* In lieu of this "move with him and maybe you'll get married" thing, honestly think about that one.
If things do not pan out, and you're there and married, you could be in a seriously nasty divorce. Worse if kids are involved and you want to come back to the states and he wants to stay put. I'm not sure how child support works internationally.
This is a life long decision and a huge positive, or a huge negative. If you're compelled to discuss the "other woman" with him, don't be confrontational and aggressive. Tell him you feel something odd is happening, or express a worry that something could be happening while he's overseas. If something is going on, give him room to communicate that with you. If you get compelled to keep checking and find out the worst, then attack him(not really, but that would be all I'd need to get out).

Nine years? No marriage? E-mail from a new relationship? Gone three months at a time? Your asking what? Wake up!!!!! You're a lawyer? Hopefully not into criminal justice, I wouldn't want you defending me, a Perry Mason your not.

men dont like long distance relationships. it makes them miserable. they like ones nearby so they can have sex when they want it....and some love too to make it sound authentic

He has made no committment to you and you want to give up everything for him. Your relationship is way out of balance. I believe he's playing you. Don't do anything unless he is totally devoted to you and marries you first. You say you are a lawyer so you're not a stupid woman. Use your HEAD on this one. Let him leave you - he'll be doing you a huge favor. Never cling to a man who can't make a committment and who obviously is letting other women know they could have a chance with him. Don't move to Italy - it will be a bad mistake. Just end the relationship and find a man who isn't afraid to devote himself to you! Be brave and decide this just isn't going to work and move on with your life. Being single isn't so horrible - I love it and it's much better waiting for the right relationship to come along that giving up your wants and needs to settle for some guy who seems confused. I hope you cut ties with him, let him move to Italy and you get over him quickly and improve your life by finding the right man for you! Good luck. Focus on your work and doing good things for YOU - not some man who's trolling for italian babes.

well....you guys might be falling apart because nine years is a long time... and if doesn't seem to be thinking about marriage then that's definately not a good sign and um....about the girl... i think maybe you should keep a close eye on that... something could erupt from that relationship.......especially if he hasn't mentioned her to you....or has he.....if not.... another bad sign......good luck....

well it seems like your in a big pickel..... If you really love this guy then make the big move.. Love is the most important thing in the world... If you have that then you have it all..... BUT if you think the relationship wont last if you do move there then dont take the risk of losing your job here.... you have to be sure about this.... Try talking to your boyfriend about it... (without lettin him know you READ THE EMAILS) try telling him if he wants you to go with him id plans on spending the rest if his life with you because this is a big commitment

He might be. He has a good career there, you have a good career here. this can not go on forever a decision has to be made.

Take advice from a man, a rat like me who has used women much in the past....ditch this guy and fast....9 years together and no committment from him....all he wants is some sack action for the night and not much else....If he is in Italy alone and single he is chasing plenty of women for sure.....now he has e-mails from some women.....duh!!!! why would you want a child with this numbnut???
I used women a long time the same way and then I matured and started acting like a real man, married and settled down.
This guy is a typical hot pants Joe.....ditch him and fast!! May I suggest E-Harmony.com to meet some decent people. ....

Wow.
Well first off- you said you've been together for 9 years, has he ever cheated? You didn't say that he has cheated, so what's stopping him now? He is in another country surrounded by beautiful women...but then he has you, and he obviously loves you, nine years is an extreemly long time to be with someone.
Secondly- Guys will always be guys...no matter what. Most guys like the attention that they get from women that they do not know. One girl may have exchanged e-mail adresses with him, as a friendly thing. Like I said, if he does not have a past of cheating, then you should be ok. BUT, if he is a cheater, you have something to worry about.

You can e-mail me if you want to talk about it more.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND GOOD LUCK!

pink_kracker4lyfe@yahoo.com

to be honest with you i didn't read all the story
9 years with the same guy you really love him

my only advice to you would be to follow your heart as well as your head, you have obviously worked very hard to get the job you are doing and i can understand you not wanting to give that up, you need to do what is right for yourself and not for your relationship. If your boyfriend loves you that much he will not make you choose between him and your career, i hope this helps good luck and be brave you will make the right decision

Nine years and still no marriage? If he wanted to marry you he could have done that a long time ago, it doesnt take nine years for a man to figure out he wants you forever.

He probably doesnt want to brake the relationship of nine years because of some insecurities or probably because its not easy. If you have stayed with someone that long it is normaly assumed that the next step is marriage so its normally difficult for people to break up that kind of a relationship.

I think you must talk to him and find out where your future stands, then you'll know what he plans on doing. Good luck!!!

yes it a problem..at the moment he is at the prime of his life and 3 mths away form you *** on he is fooling you big time..trobble is blooming in the air look out.

there is the evidence...an email a day? and he is gone for 3 mts? maybe there is no need for concern but maybe there is..i would ask him about the whole situation...is he acting distant,critical of your actions,and withdrawn? those are important signs..but also,dont move to italy if you dont want to,even if it means letting him go..there needs to be compromise...besides,if you love something let it go,if it comes back then in time you'll know..if not it was something you had to go through to grow..

Yours is a very complicated problem, and I urge you to talk to your dearest friends and trustworthy family members about this. Once you've gotten their opinions, discuss it with him.

I don't think he wants to leave you, but I think he wishes there was a way you could be with him in Italy. From the sounds of things he's fairly indecisive and needs to make up his mind. You can influence that decision, perhaps stop him from Italy entirely if it lets you rest at ease.

I'm not sure what advice to give but... Needless to say, don't do anything without thinking it through very thoroughly, and deliberate on this with people you can trust. Good luck, friend.

9 years!!!! it does sound like he is trying to pull the plug, hell someone need to, its just under a decade, im sorry sister start mentally preparing yourself.