If you had an affair while seperated would you tell your spouse?

I have been maried for 4.5 years its been a rather rocky marriage and we have a 4 yr old daughter together.While we were dating we were the perfect couple never fought or anything but when we got married that all changed.My original reason for dating my hubby was to please my parents by bringing home their ideal guy for me.After not even a year of dating i got pregnant and we got married right out of college.We both discovered after the wedding that we were polar opposites.Nasty cycles of fights started and we seperated after 3 yrs because i strongly suspected he had a fling with his ex.gf.I took a job abroad for 6 months(Ireland)and while there i saw someone else briefly
.My hubby called me to reconcile right before i came home and after thinking on it alot i agreed for my daughters sake.We are currently in therapy and living together again but i just found out i'm 12 weeks pregnant meaning i was pregnant 3 weeks before i came home.I want my marriage to work do i say its his?

I really do not have it in me to abort this child.I just want things to work so badly?I also fear his reaction because during our seperation he was cold to his daughter and ignored her.

Let him know now. He will find out anyways when the child comes out not looking like him. If you don't tell him he will resent you for it, and probably make for an ugly divorce. Also, the real father deserves to know he has a child on the way.
Good Luck!

HHELLLL NNNOOO!!! DO NOT TELL HIM!

yes

Tootie,blair,jo,Natalie and mrs Garrett

Telling your spouse only assuages your guilt and does nothing good for your relationship. Let it die.

yes u have to
its like madatory

Yes, he will find out (they always do) and it's better to be honest than to break up about it later.

nope

no no no....u are goin to have to tell him. trust me it will come out sooner or later if you dont. it will be worse if it comes out later on.

He will resent you for life if you lie to him about this. He probably suspects that something went on while you are away. Be honest and up front or your marriage will be doomed forever anyway.

it will work as long u guys are in therapy. for your daughter's sake and ur baby, stay together unless he hurts you or ur daughter severly

no dont tell him its his...be honest and tell him the truth

all relationships are based on honesty you cant be afraid to tell him the truth. so i would say tell him.

don't lie and say it is his! that is not truthful and will cause more harm than good.

did you guys set up any sort of rules while you were on the break? if i was on a break for 3 years, i would have done stuff too. i dont think what you did was wrong, but you hvae to be truthful

dont lie. Admit you are a whore, then see if he accepts you back. If he doesnt, tell him you will hit him for child support. Its cheaper to keep her.

No, you need to be honest to him and to yourself. If you don't tell him the truth, it will be something that will be on your mind all of the time...you need to tell him!!

You have to be honest about the baby because it will come to haunt you in the end. I wouldn't lie to him about that b/c it'll hurt him more later if he has to find out the child isn't his and he's already come face to face with it. How do you tell him? Perhaps you should discuss this privately with your therapist and see if you can get a personal session in. He/she may be able to mediate the situation and help both of you through this time towards rebuilding your relationship. The more you lie, the more harm you'll do to fixing this marriage. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for you.

yes because i think that if you are really trying to make it back to gether if you don't tell him your not serious about it then don't... because it's basically showing him that your not really serious about being true to him

If it was just the affair, I'd say lie...but there's a baby involved, and I think that's too big of a lie. Tell him the truth. Not that you asked my opinion on this, but it sounds like you'd be better off without him.

nope <<<<< stay stump

No , what about the man who is the real father , what if he wants to be the dad. ask him first , see what he dose , if he wants to be apart of that child's life you let him. you will regret it for ever if you don't. And if says get lost then I would still tell my husband that it might not be his. And if he decides to stay , just dint tell the child tell there old enough.

Don't lie to him and say it's his, that will only make matters worse if he ever finds out that it's not his. You need to tell him that while you were there you were seeing somebody else, and things happened.

If you want to make your relationship work, don't you think that telling him the truth and being honest would help?

And, if he really wants things to work then he will understand. Sure, he'll be very angry at first. But as long as he truly loves you, then he'll support you.

It's a tough situation to be in, and I wish you and your family the best of luck.

i heard a woman talking once that said that she claimed that the baby was her husbands in the same situation and she sounded like he was pissing her off even then, I'd wait to see how he treats you then if he ends up saying what about he baby say it's not yours! that is if you didn't already have one together,otherwise hard to say.If he can't be nice you may want to take the 3 of you out of his house and leave him alone.

Yes, keep it a secret but keep the name and phone number of the biological father just in case for medical reasons. Your husband doesn't need to know but your doctor does so they can help keep the secret. Let's just hope the blood type matches so there isn't the chance of him finding out that way. If something happens that he finds out, then politely tell him that you thought the child was his but that you were seeing someone while you were overseas since the two of you were seperated. You reconciled because you wanted to save your marriage to work and since you thought he was the father you decided not to discuss anything that happened while you were away. You are sorry for the fact he is not the BIOLOGICAL Dad but you would like for him to fill the job. Good Luck.

no let it go.

I think you should do yourself, him, your parents, his parents, the country and the world a favor and give the baby up for adoption, get your tubes tied, and become a Nun. Jeeze, I wonder what your poor hubby did in some previous life to warrant this kind of punishment.

This is a very difficult situation. I understand the impulse to lie and try to get out of this situation, but it will only make it worse. You should never stay with someone just for the sake of a child. It is better to split when the child is young, then later when she is older. It would also be far worse to put her through the pain and torment of living and growing up with parents who are not in a loving relationship. If you are able to sleep with another person, then you probably should not be married anymore. I'm definitely a person that hold on too long and tries to fix everything, but sometimes things just can't be fixed. Don't put your daughter through the anguish of seeing you unhappy. Be honest about the baby. There are too many what ifs and complications that can come with lying. If the baby isn't his, he will find out eventually. I promise you. It would be cruel and inhumane to let him think the baby is his. I don't know you, but I'd like to assume that you are a better person than that.

Look, conservative estimates say that about 10% of children born in wedlock don't have fathers involved in the marriage. Most of the poor schmucks who believe they're the fathers go on blissfully thinking they're the dads. Unless you screwed a guy that in no way resembles you husband, but the marriage is otherwise salvageable, it's up to you whether or not to blab. Just remember that when the lad or lassie grows up, he needs to know that he wasn't fathered by your husband. He/She will need to know this in order to give a reliable family medical history to his/her physician. It's up to them whether or not to spill the beans to their "dad" at that time.

wow...um....you have ur self in quite a stick. first u need to ask urself a couple on qustions. What kind of guy is he? How will he react? Will he understand? do u still even want to b with this guy? if u were seperated... do u even care about him anymore? i see what u mean by for your daughter's sake. i think u should tell him. i mean u guys were seperated....

you'd better tell him. if the baby is not his then you can get in legal trouble for that. otherwise i don't know what i would do.

I would tell the truth. There is no way you can live with a lie like that for an entire lifetime, which you would have to, if you told it now. You would not only be lying to your husband, but the baby (her or his whole life) as well as the person who is the biological father (by never telling him he had a child). Do you really want to commit that crime every day for the rest of your life?
Tell the truth. It will be a big mess to sort through, but it will be a HUGE mess to deal with later in life. At some point they will find out. What if somewhere along the line the child needs blood tests and somehow the issue of paternity comes up then? You're going to be freaking out at every turn that somehow your secret will be divulged. And at some point, it probably will be. Then you can count on your family being destroyed.

For starters though, you need to be absolutely sure who the baby's father is. Is there pre-birth paternity testing you could do before you tell everyone? Unless you're already 100%positive that it's the other guy. If you're positive, tell the truth, now.
Also, from your post, it sounds like you got pregnant before the two of you decided to reconcile. That's not terrific but it's not as bad as if you reconciled, then went out and got pregnant with another guy. If you lie you're not even giving your husband a chance to show you how comitted he is to you and your family, whether or not that child is his.

Love each other. Your kid knows when you don't.