Emotional blackmail how to deal with?

I have given up job/ relationship to move back to ireland to look after my very ill dad. He uses emotional blackmail at every occasion to stop me going even to the shop. How do I deal with this

he will threaten to kill himself or if i do go out there will be an almighty crisis he needs me for. He is very ill but i just cant cope with this

GOOD QUESTION...Grow up.

you dont give enough backround..your dad is blackmailing you???just ignore him.....i get blackmailed all the time but i dont care......

tell him you love him dearly and that is why you left your job friends and relshionship to come home to him but you do need to do somethings on your own you will be home ( tell him when you will be home) and say i love you ill see you then... you may feel bad but if you give in you will never stop giving in.
Remembering you are not doing wrong for going out

You ignore it and get on with what you need to do until he gets the message it is not working. It will be very head but worth it in the end. You are doing a lot for him already.

you need to be really really strong. you have already given up enough in the move there, you have to talk to him and explain that you won't be able to stay if he keeps up with the bad behaviour...
i know that will be hard but you will end up not coping unless you get this dealt with quickly and then you won't be able to help him anyhow!
are there any other people there, family or neighbours who can also help, or talk to him with you and explain what you feel like?

in a polite way just say to him how much you have sacrificed for him, switch the mind games round and make him realise how special you are especially to give up your life for him xx

Emotions are yours. So they are something only you can control. For example, how your dad emotionally blackmails you makes you feel bad. It would irritate others and some would even make them mad. You need to control your emotions.

He obviously needs you terribly and perhaps that's his only way of expressing it.

Be strong, you are clearly a good person. Explain to him that you need to go out sometimes and you will be back, be firm, but nice. Ignore anything that you know is simply meant to push your buttons. It's hard, but things will improve if you try to filter out the way he is using your emotions. You need to take care of yourself too.

I wish you well..

you need to get some extra helpfor him looking after a sick relative is very warring,and you still need your own space and he probably feels an awful burden on you too

I have tried for yrs to please family and friends, and gone out of my way for some, in the end they **** on u. Do what u want to do and be happy don't give up anything unless the person also makes sacrifices.

Probably because he is scared, especially if he is very ill....however, that makes it easy to cling to your family for sympathy and to avoid feeling alone, guilt, pressure becomes a great tool for them.....

Tell him you are there for him but if he keeps pushing you, you will have no choice but to move out, get people in to look after him and try to get your life up and running again..

If he is on his own, there may be help you can get to allow you to get on with living some of your own life...

You need to do this or before you know it, your life will be years down the road and you will have missed so many good opportunities...

Be Strong.....good luck

p.s. hope your dad get better soon..


K

I feel for you emotional blackmail is the worst form of blackmail. The trouble is that often the damage is done before we realise that someone has this emotional hold of us.

My advice is to get some help so that you at least have some time to yourself. I know it will not be easy.

You could always get a job living in a hotel even in Ireland if accommodation is a problem for you then you could organise help for him. Not sure how social services work in Ireland do you have to pay for private health care unlike the UK where you could get help under the NHS. Do you have any Brothers or Sisters who could share this burden with you?

There must be a solution to your problem . Sorry not to have been much help and I hope that the things work out for you. No one should give up their lives to care for someone no matter how much you love them.

you need to have a long talk with your dad. he apparently doesn't want you to leave in case you should not come back.
but you need to assure that you will return. he is old and not feel well and if you go out with your friends then he might feel you don't care for him,but you need to tell him that you need some space and if you did care you won't of left everything you had before coming home. i think your father is afraid of dieing and he wants you there. i don't know how sick you DA
is but you need your own time and space even if its just for few minutes. try to let your DA understand this before you go mad.

i let them get on with it

I can understand with the emotional blackmail.

Call his bluff,
your dad obviously likes having you at his beck and call and he won't kill himself as it ends his only source of power/enjoyment.
be strong