Whats wrong with me??

Serious answers please. Im 25, have a masters degree...i am getting ready to move to France. I grew up w/o a father...my mom worked 3 jobs...my grandma pretty much raised me...i had a really sheltered childhood...i got married at 19 to the first guy who showed interest...after 4 years he moved back to his country in Saudi Arabia and divorced me...i was immature in the marriage...he was verbally abusive...it was a cultural thing...he went home bc of his family...he chose them and a new car over me...that year was hard...i got rapped...i almost got married again...i started meeting people online...i finally got in a relationship with a guy who i thought was great...he ended up cheating and now he wants nothing to do with me bc of my issues...i feel like a sabotaged that relationship...eventhough every says he was a player...ive been going out and partying and drinking sometimes...how can i break this cycle of bad relationships and destructive behavior? Im going to France, and scared.

There is nothing wrong with u. My sister was the same way, for yrs. She would go from man to man to man. Each one being a little worse than the next. She also had a bad first marriage. As for me, I use to be so independent, self assured, etc. I have been with my partner almost 7yrs now but for the past 2yrs I have been co-dependent on her. This is not like me. I did have to seek professional help and it took them 8wks to get me on the right meds, however I am finding my old self and loving it. I believe it is a combination of low self esteem, however you do have a degree and like others said-you are smart, but when your self esteem gets in the way of that, it will make you feel so worthless no matter how much schooling, education you've had. Cause it happened to me. My sister's self esteem was also low. She was the type that couldn't stand to be alone and she just settled. She didn't change her ways but instead she did find a wonderful man whom she is now married to. She bought her first home, etc. I think if my sister wouldn't have met this man then she would still be on that same path. People say you have to change yourself and your path, however that is so much easier said than done. I mean so much easier. I also am the type that doesn't like to be alone and need someone in my life. When I first met my partner-I was like no way am I spending the rest of my life with her-I will just use her for fun until I meet someone I love. Push came to shove and we have now been together almost 7yrs. I had to lower my standers, though you may need to raise your standers. Be true to yourself and think-can I see myself having kids with this person. If I have kids with this person then does he seem to be a good father, etc. These are just some questions to ask yourself. So hon, take it one day at a time. Don't force yourself to make changes overnight or even within a week, month or even year. Slowly take baby steps to your goal and it will be baby steps but atleast your taking steps. If you have a bad day then don't be down on yourself. We all have bad days and relaps(whether it be drugs, self esteem, etc.). So when you move to France I don't think it would be in your best interest to expect to much of yourself. Don't think that since your moving-you need to change right away. Like I said, it is easy said then done and that's why u have to take baby steps. I hope this helps-I learned alot from being in the hospital with depression and co-dependence issues with my partner. It also may not be a bad idea to get on some anti-depressents. This way you will feel yourself doing more and in turn build yourself esteem and self worth. I hate taking meds myself but found it gave me my life back. Oh, the best of luck to you. Keep you head up high. I don't know if you like country music, but a good song to listen to might be "Settlin" by "Sugarland" I think you will really relate.

there's nothing wrong with you.and dont be scared to move. it may be for the best of things. starting off fresh and new somewhere else. where no one knows who you are your lifestyle or your background. Everything happends for a reason. Wen u go to France dont let anyting hold you back. Report It

I think perhaps you should, as women term it, 'take a break form men'.

Try not to rush into anything and just allow your own self esteem and confidence to return by working at a career, or finding other interests. Partying and drinking isn't destructive behaviour unless you do it too much.

We all have tough times in life but the important thing is to recognise when we have made mistakes and learn from them. For example, I bet next time you won't so quickly rush into a relationship with someone who you share little in common with?

If you are self destructive France is probably not the best place to settle down...But anyway, you really need to reevaluate your interest in men (what western woman, in her right mind, would marry someone from Saudi Arabia?!)...I think your best bet is to see a therapist. No one on here can help you sweetheart....I wish you luck, but really, you need to seek professional help.

Only you can break this cycle you have got yourself into! Because of the way men have treated you, you have developed an inferiority complex which is driving your fear! I repeat, break the cycle! Having a Degree means you are intelligent enough to realise that if you continue down this path, you would be throwing everything away you have ever worked for! For your own peace of mind, Break the cycle and get back on an even keel! Have a good day.

there were nothing wrong with ur self. Sometimes it may something ur behaviour but u can change it back! be ur self once! be a mature person and be brave to go on with ur life! life may be hard and harsh to ourselves but trust me! u can do it! be a positive thinking person because life today might be more good than life on the future! I'm still 15 and might be still doest understand somethings but be ur self back! an a mature person! a positive person and trust me! u can go on with ur life back without worrying nothing! just think positive and don't be scared of ur life on the future! be brave!

Take a breath and relax a little..... Hey, you need a friend right now and I'm happy to be your friend. You are 25 and for what you have described you have been through a lot at such a young age. All I can say is that life unfortunately will always throw these difficult situations your way, its a fact of life. However, the key is how you deal with it. Do you crawl under a rock and hide and hope it all goes away or do you stand up tall and show everyone that you are bright and ambitious? It's up to you in the end. If I were you I wouldn't care what everyone else thinks, be you and go to France with no regrets and start over and have the best time of your life!

Good luck my friend. I hope everything goes well for you.

It sounds like you certainly have plenty of reasons to question the authenticity of any relationship. My advice for you, whatever it is worth, is to begin by finding something (faith, a job, even a hobby) that you really want or cherish and spend sometime focusing on that. Once you are able find value and success in that thing, you will find that you value yourself more. Sabotaging good relationships and getting into bad ones is often a pretty good wall to protect yourself. Work to value yourself, then others will value you even more. Commit yourself to you for a while. Try to avoid valuing yourself through other people's eyes (even though we all do that to some degree).

ur an average(strike that normal) person, alchohol and the culture of dating that goes with that of night clubs and bars, are not the place to meet futur husbands, or for that matter wives.

concentrate on urself, work, home and family, make friends at normal places where people are not on something, into something, or just looking for a good time.

also be wary of internet dating. i met my wife online, and we have our problems but i think we will last. not everyone can be so lucky.

there are dating agencies, that allow people of similar feelings baout life love and etc to meet up and get to know each other in a mutually satisfactory way without all the associated hassle.

also learn to not commit fully, dont f--k on first dates, it sends the wrong messages, be honest and truthful, yet put the baggage to one side, once you get to know someone a little, start to share the hurt little by little.

think about what you want in a relationship, then start to look for the things which will make that possible.

i have the perfect solution, get into the state of mind
"i don't give a f*uck"

Forget all the bad stuff, just go party dont concentrate on things for too long

smoke some pot

take things as they come,

forget the term "im too tired" your never to tired you just want to party all the time.

stop searching for men, wait for someone to come to you, you will know when to start thinking seriously again.

Maybe you should take some time off from seeing people. When you do meet someone, make sure you are sure that they are a good person before you commit to a relationship with them.

hey
well, you've been through alot. you can't technically 'break' the bad cycle, you just have to avoid anything that appears dodgy-like getting into marriages too quickly.
When you move, make sure you meet the right kind of people...don't rush into friendships [or relationships], take your time, and have a break from the 'cycle' of bad luck....
xx

There is nothing wrong with you. Just your choices. It happens to a lot of people. You do need to take some time and work on your self. Maybe try some therapy. A lot of crap we women deal with in relationships directly relates to our self image. If we have a poor image of our self and don't believe we are worth much we tend to make poor relationship choices. You are entering the next phase in your life. The part where you deal with the past and move ahead. Therapy is helping me. I put up with a lot of crap before. I still have a long way to go but it is getting better.
If you do not want to go to therapy or if you have issues with it than try the self help books. But YOU have to do the work! Be patient change takes time.
If you do choose therapy do not think that all therapists are the same. if you don't like the first one try another until you find one that fits you. It is not easy to open past wounds. You have been through a lot. Try not to be hard on yourself. It takes a lot of courage to try to change.
Good luck.

There's nothing wrong with you, this is just life. If you've made bad decisions in the past, resolve to learn from them and make better choices for your future. Don't be scared about your move to France. Embrace it as a new opportunity. Just remain resolved not to fall into the same cycle of bad relationships and destructive behavior. That is a choice you must make, and there is no other answer than you must simply choose what you want for your life. The right choices sometimes take more strength and that is why we so often make the wrong choices. We always have the strength to make the right choices. But remember the right choices have to be chosen, no matter how hard they seem to be.

there's no such things as cycles of bad relationships and destructive behavior because all those thoughts are just results of repeating situations that you've encountered that may be in one way or another are just coincidences and are not really connected with one another.. better to do is to know how to boost your self confidence AGAIN and say enough.. make a change and start it now.. do your best to forget all what had happened and start to have a positive outlook on tomorrows.. every sunrise is a new hope.. don't be scared.. it's more awful to have the opportunity but wasn't able to achieve because of the fear to try..