What to do about serious depression and wanting to be dead but not having enough guts to kill yourself?

I'm 56 and have worked all my life - last 20 years for the federal gov. I reached a point that I could no longer do my job due to depression. I've been out of work since Feb. and can no longer make any house or utility payments which is making me even more depressed. I'mm applying for jobs, but not having luck yet - probably mostly due to my depression

You need professional help. Go to the nearest county hospital and explain what is going on. You can't afford to pay, but they can't afford to let you commit suicide and you will win out. I have been there, I know first hand. I ended up homeless and in the hospital, but I got better and I got out. I started seeing a country psychiatrist that charges on a sliding scale. I only got to talk with him a little, but I got the medications he provided and they put me into group therapy session. That's the way modern psychiatry is handled now days. I was admitted after a failed suicide attempt, but you are so close as to be the same as I was.

The road back from a depression drop is a tough one, but it can be done. I have done it and I am still fighting depression today. I have the help of medications and disability payments, but getting there was tough. Sometimes you have to fall, and fall hard before people are willing to help you鈥攅specially the Federal Government.

My condition, Fibromyalgia includes cycles of chronic pain, depression, insomnia and so on. I have had this problem since October 1989, and I have been hospitalized three times in the course of my disease, so I do know what I am talking about.

Medication won鈥檛 cure you; it will only make things a little better over a period of time. They help to even out the low points, and take a while to work. Antidepressants work by increasing or decreasing the amount of a certain neurotransmitter in your body and brain. They do this by changing the uptake. The changed levels affect your brain chemistry and can improve your situation. However, there are several neurotransmitters and you may need more or less. So the first medication you are prescribed my not work, nor the second. If you hang in there though, and tell the doctors what is going on then eventually you will get a helpful one or combination. The problem is the psychiatrists have only a vague idea of what is going on inside your head. You have to tell them, and you need to take an active role in your treatment. If a medication isn鈥檛 working or if it is giving you problems then you need to tell them. You can switch to another drug or take others to help with the side effects. Luckily there are a lot of medications that can handle your problem. In my case it was my Serotonin balances that needed to be adjusted and I have been through several medications to try and reach a balance. I still suffer from the depression and it is a daily struggle.

You need to work to get better and it can be a hard road to do that, but the work itself isn鈥檛 that hard. It鈥檚 the admitting and the doing that are hard. As you know depression makes you want to lock yourself up in your room and stay there. You have to find a better way, and you can鈥檛 do it alone.

Before you go into the hospital contact your creditors and tell them what is happening. You won鈥檛 want to do it, but you will have to. Try to get time to make your payments. Most corporations have some sort of policy to help with people who are having trouble. Right now they just think you are a deadbeat. If you contact them and tell them that you are going into the hospital then they might give you a little leeway. Corporations don鈥檛 have a heart, but some of the people in them do.

If you don鈥檛 have any income then you may qualify for low-income support. You may also be able to apply to your state for assistance, but before you can get that support you will have to go into the hospital.

Once you find out what causes your depression then you are better able to fight it. Depression can be caused by many things, but the key to getting better is to realize that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. If you need more or less of a neurotransmitter then you have a problem, but it is no more your fault than it is the fault of a short person who suffers a thyroid deficiency.

If you need to talk with me more then you can write me through my contact info.

find help- and change the way you think -God put you here to live a great life(and accomplish a mission) not to be depressed and take your life
Spend time in prayer. Whether you believe in God or not, pray. It will lighten your spirit regardless.

And in the meantime, if you don't believe, while praying, ask for guidance to learn about God. It will help, trust me. I've been in your shoes.
You need to go see a doctor and get on some kind of meds ASAP. Maybe even talk to a therapist, it couldnt hurt. Good luck.
if u worked for the goverment then you know why there isnt any jobs and its not cuz of depression,,vote republican again duh
been there...guy..get some help..killing yur self aint no fun and it aint easy..do me a favor if want to kill your self dont..so what if you lose everything..start using drugs and say to hell with it all ..and get yur self young girl friend or boy friend or both and live life..man..
I don't know, I'm 27 and I think about it every day. My ex boyfriend did kill himself, leaving me here alone with 2 kids to raise and, I'm not making it, but I still keep trying for them. I think that if you have anyone that loves you suicide would be a selfish decision to make, you would leave them here dealing with this shithole by themselves.